Thursday, June 14, 2012

DOWN


 I haven't written a post in a while.  I haven't had the drive to write although I have been here reading all the post from the blogs I follow.  I have no pics today or fun things.  I am now writing because I'm needing someplace to vent and this seems to be the best place for me.  I have said before how I am not happy with where I live or our financial situation.  I know that there are others who are worse off than me financially and I am trying to remind myself of that and find my joy the God has given me.  Certain days I am better but this month has been hard.  My family is very close knit and my husbands isn't.  I am missing my family very much and haven't been home since my daughter who is now 3.5 was 8 months old.  I am missing my family sooooooooo much and finances haven't allowed me to see them.  My boys didn't even get to go with me the last time I went.  I also feel like I am so alone here.  All my friends, not associates, are in California and after almost 7 years here I still feel like an outsider.  You would think that it's getting better over time but it's actually getting worse.  It would be better if my husband understood.  He says he misses Ca. also and understands how I feel but since his family is here I don't feel that he does. Many people love Columbia and are happy to call it home however, it's not the case for me.
    
     Now to give some background I did want to move closer to SC so my children could have grandparents since my parents had passed and my hubby's were still alive.  My mother-in-law lives about 1.5 hours away and we rarely see her.  When we first moved I would make the drive down with the boys for her to see them yet time was never really spent with them.  I have since realized that she is not the grandmother I expected to my children.  To give an example she doesn't know when my children's birthday's are and has never come to a party.  My children have also never received a Christmas present from her.  I know that it's not about the money but I do think she should at least know their birthdays are and at least give them a call.  If I didn't live so close it wouldn't bother me but it does.  My mother was a great grandmother and the fact that my kids didn't get to have her in their lives hurts me.  If you read this I want to say thank-you for allowing me to rant.  I need prayer for strength.  I am praying for not only to move away from SC but also for my husband.